The Mask, the Mirror, and the Mic

A meditation on introversion, discomfort, and the courage to connect

“Imagine” by A Perfect Circle
Originally written and recorded by John Lennon (whose work I deeply respect and love), this version, sung by Maynard James Keenan, is fraught with the tension I feel in the world today. It speaks to our current moment in a way that resonates more sharply, and that’s why I’ve chosen it here.

The Mask.

So.

I’m really dropping the mask here.
I hope you’ll hear me in the spirit this is intended.

I’m an introvert.
This is fucking hard.

Once upon a time, I was freer with myself and better able to connect with others.
Time and traumas and social isolation.

What a monstrous trio.

But my story hasn’t ended.
The final curtain has not dropped.

I’m still here.

And, more, I long for true connection.

But also, I feel the pull to write…
About my feelings.
About my pain.
About my losses.
About my growth.

And also, about my rage.

The insanity in our world today.
I’ve actually written a great deal on this subject but haven’t shared as much here…

Yet.

Maybe this was an oversight.
Maybe I was trying to show you who I am as a person.
A slightly more-palatable version of myself, that is.
Let you see some of my journey to get to this place, here and now.

Maybe I’m just trying really hard not to overwhelm the feed or any of you.

I sometimes think my overwhelm, in turn, overwhelms others.
Not my mission. Ever.

This is not rage… this is me reaching out…

I’m truly seeking connection with others.
With you, dear Reader.

If what I say resonates, let’s talk.
If what I say pisses you off, fucking tell me about it.

I do really want to know.

Now, I’m not saying turn my posts into a war zone…
I’m asking for discourse.

Honest connection.
I think the only way we make it out of this mess as a whole is through connecting with each other.

Not only for our similarities, but in celebrating our differences too.

So, before I go any further…

I need to state something plainly.
And I hope you can hear me.
I’m not for one side or another.

I’m for humanity. For morals and ethics.

For right action and loving thy neighbor.

I’m not here for politics, though I talk about them and think about them a great deal.

Currently.

Why now?
Because I believe in freedoms.

For everyone.

Strongly.
Vehemently.
Even if you disagree with me, I’d fight to the death for your right to do so.

Without persecution.

I believe in division of church and state.
Never the two shall cross.
Or at least that’s the way it should be.

If you have to wonder why, refer to the first belief I listed above.

Can’t have that if you’re regulating my life with your belief or vice versa.

But seriously. No one knows. That’s why it’s called ‘faith’.

I’m here because we are losing our democracy… it’s being dismantled before our eyes.

And we’re too busy bickering over mundane nothing-burgers to be bothered or even notice.

It’s time we put some of that crap to bed.

The Mirror.

So... moving right along...

I know a whole lot of you really hate the whole inclusive bit.

Some of you are inclusive to the core and, truly, I love that about you.

This is for those who struggle with this concept.

I get that it’s hard to fundamentally change how you talk to (and therefore how you think about) others who are different than you.

It’s uncomfortable.

I’ve seen this struggle in my mother:

Born in a different era, she has struggled her whole life with undiagnosed and, therefore, untreated mental illness.
This was not something you ever discussed, hinted at, or acknowledged.

You really don’t have to wonder why.

Look at history: people were ostracized, locked in bedrooms or asylums.

For life.

Not talked about outside of close family circles.
Not acknowledged.
Not helped.

Not ever.

She is not a racist.

But she uses racist terms sometimes without even realizing it.

She is not homophobic.

Yet she still says things that are offensive at times.
Without guile.

She had a long career as a nurse.

Yet she fell for the “9th month abortion” rhetoric.
Hook, line, and sinker.

Asked me, panicked, “But what about those poor babies??”
I wish my reaction was a bit more eloquent, but I’ll admit: I facepalmed.

Is she an awful person?

Not even close.

She is one of the most giving people I know.

Damaged, but dedicated to her family.

But changing your baseline is hard.

I’ve struggled with this myself:

When my youngest came out as trans and wanted me to call them a different name than their “dead name” (hint: the one I chose for them), and by they/them/theirs.

Whiskey.
Tango.
Foxtrot.
Over.

Yeah, I was not graceful about it.
But I thought I was.

It took a lot of reorganizing my priorities.

Ultimately, I decided I was way more concerned with them feeling seen my me, truly seen.
And respected.

Much more than I was attached to my baseline thinking.

That’s when our relationship began to really grow and flourish.
To finally breathe.

So, let me stretch your thinking just for a moment…

If I were to continually refer to you as the opposite gender than what you know yourself to be, would it bother you?

If, because I did that, others started to do the same…

Would you feel offended and even ostracized?

What if we then, collectively, started making jokes at your expense?

What if we turned violent?

This is no different than what our LGBTQIA+ population faces. Today.

This battle was already fought and won.

With many casualties along the way.

Of those who identify differently than the hetero-normative.

While this may not apply to you and be completely outside your circle and, therefore, your understanding and empathy zone, I’m here to tell you: it’s very real for some of us.

And very not-okay.

Now, apply that same logic to skin tone…

Country of origin...

Mental illness…

Socioeconomic status…

Disability…

Any reason someone is not a cookie cutter version of yourself.

Is it truly hard to just accept others as they are, treat them in a respectful manner, and then move on with your life?

I know the answer is complex.

Because it involves a few things a lot of us shy away from:

Admitting our baseline thinking may be flawed.

Which is just bullshit, because really:

We were all raised in a different time by people with different ideas in a culture that has fundamentally shifted.

So let go of self-blame in the name of evolution.

Discomfort.

When you admit your baseline thinking is flawed, yep, you got it:

You’re going to be uncomfortable with it.

For a while.

It’s going to feel like betrayal of self.

And can invite all sorts of chaos into your noggin.

This is especially hard in our society, where we are hard-wired to seek comfort or distraction from anything that causes us distress.

Quite simply put: life is quite extra enough, TYVM.

Fear of change.

But…

Friend, this is where the gold is.

This IS the path to evolution.

No species has ever found their best self through comfort.

Or stagnation.

None.

Zero.

Nada.

We are complacent by nature.

We seek comfort.

And it’s truly surprising what we can condition ourselves to see as comfort.

It’s only through being forced to reconcile with bullshit that fucks us over, that we seek better odds.

The Mic.

Applying this to the real threat…

Is it insanity to think our leaders should not only be held to the same standards as we are, but to set a higher example of what decency looks like?

Is that crazy pants thinking?

Or maybe is it the way things should be?

I’ll tell you from my own perspective while serving in the US Army:
No shitbag, do-nothing, power-tripping leader ever had respect of his/her (inclusivity, but I never personally ran into this) subordinates.

They could only muster fear.

We “lovingly” referred to them as casualties-of-friendly-fire.

The ones who led from the front, IOW, actually set the bar for how right looked?

The ones who led not from a sense of entitlement, but a sense of deep honor and reverence for the position and the weight of responsibility?

We would walk through fire, grenades... even flying monkeys for them.

As to the other side of this thinking, AKA the ones who think half the country is batshit crazy…

Autocrats are fucking known for gaslighting the shit out of the populace.

They use disinformation tactics, AKA propaganda, to sow confusion.

They sow and perpetuate divisions to maintain a docile populace.

They keep them focused on the immediate in-our-face bullshit and distort reality so they don’t immediately sense the danger.

They’re also known for intimidating, discrediting, and disappearing those who dissent.

Sound familiar?

Most people just want to fucking live.

Most don’t really pay attention to politics enough to see all the receipts, especially with an information system that can easily be manipulated on the surface.

With algorithms flooding our systems with all the relevant pieces, all based on a click, intentional or otherwise.

With many lacking in the critical thinking skills and/or tech-savvy necessary to ford this wasteland of bullshit.

Most people are quite busy enough with just living in this speed-of-light society.

They’re not evil.

They’re not stupid.

They’re just people trying to make a better tomorrow.

I mean all of us know things are at the tipping point in our society but have different ideas on what’s causing it.

And a leader who is using that difference of opinion against us.

Our differences are not a liability.

DEI is not the enemy.

As humans, the best society we can hope for includes people from every different perspective, background, reality, subset, subtext, and walk of life.

Our differences are our greatest source of strength.

We just have to remember that…

…and respect that power.

Lit from within. Even in the dark. Photo by Candice Seplow on Unsplash

If you read this far, seriously… Thanks so much. — Liora
voice through fire | www.liorawrites.com

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