Lots of dramatic potential to exploit. And a growing edge of menace but look at phrases like; Turned on her heel’ / ‘jumped out of her skin’ / ‘knowing look’ - delete these - your work is much stronger without these (cliched) phrases - trust your reader - the old show not tell thing! ( and I’ll take my own advice!)
Thanks so much! I had so much fun writing this one. I had it up as one post for a while but realized breaking it up into chapters might be a bit kinder to my readers! All 4 chapters are up now, refined just a smidge 💜
@Susan Crabtree Thanks so much for sharing my work! I truly appreciate it 💜
You deserve it, Liora! You’re most welcome! 🩷
Thanks for sharing...this is so beautiful
Thank you, Hina, means a lot💜
If chapters 2 & 3 are as well written ✍️ as the first, it should be zinger!!
Thanks, for sharing, Liora.
Thank you so much! All the chapters (4) are out now, each has links to the others. I truly appreciate you reading my work! 💜
Lots of dramatic potential to exploit. And a growing edge of menace but look at phrases like; Turned on her heel’ / ‘jumped out of her skin’ / ‘knowing look’ - delete these - your work is much stronger without these (cliched) phrases - trust your reader - the old show not tell thing! ( and I’ll take my own advice!)
Thanks for your feedback, will definitely take a look and see what I can do with it 💜
I disagree with Jon. Each reader has their opinion, but mine is to be yourself. Don’t try to read into others’ opinions.
I think I fall in the middle. I write how I think, but then I end up translating that into something that makes sense for others, LOL
I really enjoyed this. I love the detail you gave.
Thanks so much! I’m very new to writing stories, so really hoping to build this craft. I do enjoy it!
This has such a sharp opening beat - the monotony, the mess, the scream, and then «her». It reads almost cinematic already. Off to chapter 2!
I’m so happy you enjoyed it! This one was a blast to write. 💜
Very cinematic.. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Makes me want to close some characters out the right way. Thanks!
Thanks so much! I had so much fun writing this one. I had it up as one post for a while but realized breaking it up into chapters might be a bit kinder to my readers! All 4 chapters are up now, refined just a smidge 💜
This is really very interesting..keep writing!
Thank you so much. I’m really glad it resonated with you.