FMRB

Photo by Yana Gorbunova on Unsplash

Here I am—
dawn again.
What crap will I do today?

Shit choices—
all around.
How to hold myself at bay?

Reach for weed—
chocolate;
try to feel something else.

Curb my need—
incarnate.
How to bury myself?

Anything
to avoid
the feelings under my skin.

Run away
from my life.
Daily, I’m just giving in.

Fuck my life—
and my horse.
Fuck all those who would harm me.

But if I
keep this up—
I won’t be left to stop me.

Erasure—
is this course
and it won’t stop at my pain.

It will take
everything—
‘til none but darkness remains.

So once more
I must try—
to clear the cobwebs within.

Find center—
resolute.
Work toward my future again.

Author’s Note:

Some days are just harder than others. Sometimes when something major happens, you can lose ground you’ve already covered. You can then get caught up thinking, “Oh well, there that goes. Here I go. Down the rabbit hole again.”

But that’s a lie. A convenient lie you think to give yourself permission to freefall.

Yes, losing ground sucks. But it’s not the end of the line or the path. Sometimes you have to step sideways or even backward to move forward again. Remember when you’re circling that mountain, some heights can’t be reached until you step down first.

Don’t give up. Even when it seems you’re your own worst enemy. Even when it feels the ground gave way beneath you. Take that moment. Dust yourself off. Hydrate.

Then start climbing again. And don’t forget to take in the view.
—Liora

Thanks for reading this poem. If my work here speaks to you and you’d like to support it:
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